Some days I do better than others. Things can feel calm and collected and flow so easily despite the disarray. Others I think of all the things that I wish to do and I contemplate how to condense them into two one-hour naps and I yearn for the time when life was not carved out for just me in such small snippets.
Hubby is volunteering so I have the main chunk of today with our girl. Lucky for me we had a family outing to the beach this morning and I had a wonderful swim in the choppy waves while dad and turd bird played in the sand and shallows. The swim was tough but I enjoyed it, loved the feel of coming out of the water panting, arms a bit achy and fatigued from the effort, legs wobbling as they took their first steps on the beach. Aside, very disappointing how the WA government is treating our shark friends, who have every right to be in their habitat.
And it has cascaded from there; something about the swim put an energy in me that has me wanting to take big bites today. We came home she went down for a nap quickly. Always a few chore things like dishwasher, one load of laundry etc, unless I am completely at my wits end, which I am at times, and then I force myself to just stop.
But today, there is so much to do! I am feeling very rajasic, how to get to the sattvic? I optimistically purchase The Australian every weekend, and am lucky to get through two sections – I want to read it all and be up to date on all world issues so I can go to my imaginary dinner parties, holding my glass of wine blithely in my hand so informed about everything, so witty and relaxed, not thinking or worrying about my child at all, who is in someone else’s care and is probably doing just fine but I cannot help but think about her every breathing moment. But no dinner invitations loom, so really, it’s just something I love to do that was once just a thing that is now much harder. Oh and some yoga, meditation, maybe that can wait until the afternoon nap? What about the writing, yes I must definitely get to that today, the household has taken over my resolution a bit this week, but all to a more organised, smoother life, eventually, hopefully.
And tomorrow a big one for us, Big Day Out for mom and dad: Pearl Jam and Primus for dad, Arcade Fire for mom. A wee bit of youthful fun that has taken a lot of coordination to pull off. So perhaps I should type up some notes for the two shifts of care we have sorted for her so there are no questions because for some reason people do not call or text and just clarify or ask before making their own decisions which really annoys me because hey, there are certain things I do want done certain ways and for good reason. Or maybe it’s just a respect and manners thing, the Canadian, consultative, inclusive part of me that seeks clarity and what I would expect from others in what I can only label (naughty!) a cowboy country from time to time. “She’ll be ‘right; we’ll do it and then see what happens instead of trying to do it more right the first time.” That’s a larger, very generalised statement but I digress and I’m in the mood for a bit of snark.
And then there’s my little blog thing, which I do love and have written a few posts for but that are all living in the editing room at the moment, more yoga focused than this little unplanned, cathartic rant.
I joked with my husband that maybe I’d get more alone time if we were divorced – I was kidding. But seriously, he would have her more on his own than the current arrangement. Well, he retorts, you should speak up and say something more often. Guess what’s happening when he gets home? Truly he is wonderful and helpful.
Oh and another anticipatory note, my mom is coming from Canada for a month. Just to stay and give me a brief reprieve, where sorting the gym visit will be as simple as going out for an hour instead of having to put reminders in my phone to call the crèche because I keep forgetting. Where hubby and I can go to the odd movie and dinner without having to think twice. I wonder if mom had any plans to do something herself?
Ok, back to a speed-read of that newspaper (at least the most important bits like Review and the magazine)! Time is ticking.
Update: Bub-licious awake the moment I pressed publish! And what a delicious little treat she is. X