I woke from a restless sleep, worse this morning. Hand, foot and mouth disease seems to have evaded girlie and taken my immune system for yet another wild ride. Surely this is the virus’s swan song? I will rebound from this last assault cleansed, strong and healthy.

Hubby was on night shift so I had baby to myself this morning. She was a giggling, bubbling ball of energy. I on the other hand was fighting the chills and aches along with other fun things I would rather not talk about. Desperate to get through the morning I popped one of the pills I used after she was born for pain.

In about 20 minutes a pleasant fog descends and I can at least tolerate the hour it takes to spoon feed her cereal while I contemplate foie gras. When will she learn to feed herself? My patience is at an all time low as I think about how boring the day will be, stuck in the house again. I laugh. She’s being a clown, showing off with one of her cheeky toothy grins, her curls bouncing around her little cheeks as she sways her head side to side, happily playing with the paper bag from the chemist. Can she tell how low my spirits are? I am trying to be there for her as a mother, but today, there is not much to give.

And my relief as I lift her from the high chair – her eyes, yes, they look red and puffy.  It’s time for a nap. She coos to herself, hugging her stuffed toy while I shuffle back to the lounge. I have a new housecleaning protocol: “just pick up two things.” Never mind the chaos that is blossoming around the house like a fungus. Ever time I wonder from one room to the next, I pick up two things that are misplaced and put them away. There, the sideboard looks much better with my tax return and doctor’s note filed.

I am calling a housecleaning service on Monday. Something has to give. Maybe if the house is a bit cleaner I can focus my energies, I can get better.

I read. I nap very pleasantly. Hubby wakes and makes breakfast. Baby has arisen from her nap and she stands at the end of the couch where I lay, little chubby hands resting on the seat, open face smiling at me, eyes sparkling.