It has certainly been a dance lately. Things have dropped off, unforeseen distractions that required a lot of time and focus have prevailed, and I’ve drifted a bit. Mostly with my writing, which filled me with frustration. Why is it that the things that nurture and support us the most are the first to fall off the plate? I tried to calm the voice that insisted I should be doing this, I could do that. But to be fair to myself, life was chaotic and unpredictable for a couple weeks and I thankfully had yoga to ride out the waves. So another lesson for the future, not to let the writing go, as it likely would have given me just a little bit more of what I needed in the recent tricky patch. Thankfully, back to equilibrium for now, writing back on track. (Oh how I missed you sweet sweet writing)
In gratitude related news, mom is here. It has been heaven, having her support, especially while I dealt with aforementioned distractions. Someone to take the girl-a-licious for a bit. To walk out of the house unencumbered for a morning swim at the beach now and then, a delicious freedom that I do miss some days. To go into a store without a mild panic about racing home for a nap, or wondering about when someone’s patience will understandably wane (hey, grocery stores are only exciting for so long). And to just spend time with mom, have her in proximity for day to day stuff; someone to talk to. I am not thinking ahead, enjoying now. It’s a special time for darling and Grandma. Now there’s talk of a visit from Turd Bird’s aunt. Bring it on, can’t wait to see my sis!
A yoga-related development has arisen: I’m returning to teaching in less than a month! Hoooray!!! I’ve found a day and time that will work; I’m ready. And I’m going to venture down a new path that feels right.
I’ve gained so much from my meditation practice that I want to facilitate the experience with students. Classes begin March 18th and I cannot wait to share! If you’re anywhere near the South Fremantle area Tuesday evenings, stop into Sevenergy and enjoy a first class free during the first four weeks. It would be an honour and privelege to see you there.
So the low back is still a bit sore; I’ve had to take it very slow to get back to recovery but it has been a blessing. I was making my way from sofa to floor with darling on board when I lost my footing and smacked my sacrum hard. A few vertebrae were compacted and the pain ensued though it was bearable, considering we had a back yard that was going to quickly fill up with guests.
The day after my legs tingled and I could barely grab sweetness from her cot; I was desperate for any bit of relief that thankfully my chiropractor helped with. She advised I would be at least four weeks before the back was completely resettled. It’s been longer and I still wake with low back pain and I have become acutely aware of tightness in my groin and psoas. All chain reactions to the initial trauma of the impact.
New opportunities arise when we are hit with a setback. My return to intense, short gym sessions have been put on hold to make sure my back is fully recovered. In its place I’ve become acquainted with a yoga practice that is responding precisely to my needs. I’ve had to take it slow, feel it out day by day, and pull back more often than not. Giving me more time for meditation, quiet, and of course an appreciation for a healthy pain-free body.
It’s nice to witness true discomfort. It has allowed me to create some sequences that I believe will work in this region of the body that so many people are affected by. And it has given me a strong reminder of what it is when a student approaches me in the future and mentions low back pain, or any pain for that matter. It can be easy to forget what that really means if we don’t experience discomfort regularly, so I’m thankful for the reminder.
Lastly, I’ve been introduced to a new style of yoga: Yin. I’ve been a couple times to a class put on by the lovely Fiona Galloway of YogaBlu. I was so inspired by how incredible I felt, in both mind and body, after the class that I purchased Bernie Clark’s book, Complete Guide to Yin Yoga. I’m thoroughly enjoying it.
So yeah, I’m grateful for this. Though I’m a little off my original plan it’s an interesting detour. I’m still growing and learning, which is for me the bottom line.
What’s your bottom line? When things have gone astray from what you may have envisaged what remains important to you? And if at first you tell yourself it’s not there, do you see it if you look a bit deeper?
Some days I do better than others. Things can feel calm and collected and flow so easily despite the disarray. Others I think of all the things that I wish to do and I contemplate how to condense them into two one-hour naps and I yearn for the time when life was not carved out for just me in such small snippets.
Hubby is volunteering so I have the main chunk of today with our girl. Lucky for me we had a family outing to the beach this morning and I had a wonderful swim in the choppy waves while dad and turd bird played in the sand and shallows. The swim was tough but I enjoyed it, loved the feel of coming out of the water panting, arms a bit achy and fatigued from the effort, legs wobbling as they took their first steps on the beach. Aside, very disappointing how the WA government is treating our shark friends, who have every right to be in their habitat.
And it has cascaded from there; something about the swim put an energy in me that has me wanting to take big bites today. We came home she went down for a nap quickly. Always a few chore things like dishwasher, one load of laundry etc, unless I am completely at my wits end, which I am at times, and then I force myself to just stop.
But today, there is so much to do! I am feeling very rajasic, how to get to the sattvic? I optimistically purchase The Australian every weekend, and am lucky to get through two sections – I want to read it all and be up to date on all world issues so I can go to my imaginary dinner parties, holding my glass of wine blithely in my hand so informed about everything, so witty and relaxed, not thinking or worrying about my child at all, who is in someone else’s care and is probably doing just fine but I cannot help but think about her every breathing moment. But no dinner invitations loom, so really, it’s just something I love to do that was once just a thing that is now much harder. Oh and some yoga, meditation, maybe that can wait until the afternoon nap? What about the writing, yes I must definitely get to that today, the household has taken over my resolution a bit this week, but all to a more organised, smoother life, eventually, hopefully.
And tomorrow a big one for us, Big Day Out for mom and dad: Pearl Jam and Primus for dad, Arcade Fire for mom. A wee bit of youthful fun that has taken a lot of coordination to pull off. So perhaps I should type up some notes for the two shifts of care we have sorted for her so there are no questions because for some reason people do not call or text and just clarify or ask before making their own decisions which really annoys me because hey, there are certain things I do want done certain ways and for good reason. Or maybe it’s just a respect and manners thing, the Canadian, consultative, inclusive part of me that seeks clarity and what I would expect from others in what I can only label (naughty!) a cowboy country from time to time. “She’ll be ‘right; we’ll do it and then see what happens instead of trying to do it more right the first time.” That’s a larger, very generalised statement but I digress and I’m in the mood for a bit of snark.
And then there’s my little blog thing, which I do love and have written a few posts for but that are all living in the editing room at the moment, more yoga focused than this little unplanned, cathartic rant.
I joked with my husband that maybe I’d get more alone time if we were divorced – I was kidding. But seriously, he would have her more on his own than the current arrangement. Well, he retorts, you should speak up and say something more often. Guess what’s happening when he gets home? Truly he is wonderful and helpful.
Oh and another anticipatory note, my mom is coming from Canada for a month. Just to stay and give me a brief reprieve, where sorting the gym visit will be as simple as going out for an hour instead of having to put reminders in my phone to call the crèche because I keep forgetting. Where hubby and I can go to the odd movie and dinner without having to think twice. I wonder if mom had any plans to do something herself?
Ok, back to a speed-read of that newspaper (at least the most important bits like Review and the magazine)! Time is ticking.
Update: Bub-licious awake the moment I pressed publish! And what a delicious little treat she is. X